Life. Truth / Superficiality?

It's now 2:45 a.m. Just downloaded a Rachmaninov piece and feeling uber inspired. *grin*

Was just chatting and thought about how superficial life is. For me. Maybe for others it's just easy to *BLEH* out everything, but for me, I go to school with that Batman Joker smile every morning. I've lived in this life for so long, mixed things up so much, that I don't even know what I really am like, who my real friends are, if I have any.

i couldn't find a better pic of Joker.

check out his winning smile! =.='

It seems like everywhere, people greet you with Joker smiles, pretty-pretty Colgate smiles. But exactly how much is going on behind that smile, you never know.

I once had a not-so-nice experience of a "close" friend being not-that-close after all. He/she (not telling who it is, too bad =P) was a person who really liked gossiping. I listened to him/her many times, not thinking that even I would not be an exception. He/she went behind my back and actually spread damaging rumours about me.

The thing is, these rumours weren't outright lies. They were the embroidered truth. Not exaggerated. Embroidered. As in, saying something which really happened, but with stuff added in from his/her imagination. Which made people (who didn't know me) feel really doubtful of me.

For instance, if I make a typo error, it's because I "suck at typing" and am a "total loser" when it comes to the computer". Of course, this is just an example of what he/she might say.

And the irony is, even until now, one year later, we are still keeping up the facade. I wasn't angry, I don't really get angry with people, but I was really hurt. And now we are still smiley-smiley nice-nice at school when we meet. Boof. Sometimes I wonder if she even knows what she did to me. It's just a habit to her.

Maybe I was too sensitive. But my point here is, in my world, no matter what people do or what they think, all of us are bright and smiley like everything is fine under the beautiful sun. Bleh. Maybe it's just me.

we'll smile till the end of eternity itself.

Oddly, some people have no problem with showing their emotions. Darn, I envy these people. I just don't have the guts to make people hate me. I wish I didn't care if they did.

Everyone is smiley. It's getting rather tiring, keeping this false mask up, pretending to be ok all the time. Smiles don't last forever if they're not real.

I like this one!

It's not just the smiling anyway. It's appalling how much can go on behind your back. People everywhere are trying to act like other people and in the end, you don't know who's who. I don't even know me anymore. Not very much, anyway. Scholars are trying to act like bimbos or cheerleaders or popular people. Popular people....well who knows? Not that I have anything against popular people, but too many popular wannabes can be rather intimidating.

In the end, someone who was once nice and caring and studious acts like a flirty, self-centred, boy-crazy person because of hanging with people like that. Someone who was once well-mannered and polished acts aloof and arrogant because she hangs with people who think that "common" people are beneath them. Get a good role model at least, why don't you?

Gosh. How long is this gonna last?